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So... here's my TRUE confession about me (for all those who care to read- definitely don't have to):
My grandfather died of skin cancer from a medicine he was taking after his kidney transplant. Now my dad had a kidney transplant. Joy. I lost my brother when I was little, he was born with his umbilical cord strangling him around the neck. In elementary school I used to think I could see him, which got me the rep of the "weirdo". I now know that I have OCD, ADHD, and Bipolar disorder so that's why I get so attached to people/ things. When my parents put my dog to sleep, I grieved for almost four years and actually went into depression. I saw many therapists, even though now it seems stupid. When my cat died, I cried, etc, etc. (Except for the 1 million damn goldfish, lol). I don't remember the first time, or why, but I began to cut a couple years after the people had said my depression of loss was over. I have a long but faded scar on my right forearm; if anyone asks, it's either a burn or a birthmark. I get too attached to things, and that's what drives them away. I think that's why guys think I'm crazy and wack and I chase them away unintentionally. Sadly, I developed a huge knack for lying and stealing. The first time I ever stole was in kindergarten, and the habit stayed with me until present time. I also trust too much. I was "best friends" with a girl who was great, then she told me she'd been raped, and because of my mental shit, I cried for her. But of course she was HAPPY about it. She also told me she was doing drugs and drinking, so I resolved to stand by her. Then I hear that she's talking about me behind my back constantly and yet she still has the nerve to smile at me and ask what's wrong. She said all my friends would forget me if I got into the early college in Virginia I'm applying for, and I cried. Again. Now, my mom has something wrong with her thyroid (regulates your body), and my dad is still having problems. I actually still go to therapists for help... weird. My parents want me to go to an all girls college in Virginia to jump start my career but I don't want to leave them here in NC with my siblings. I don't want to come home and find them dead like the others. I'm trying to find meds for my ADHD and stuff so I'll be a little more normal and not be so naive and different. I've thought about cutting, when my first bf broke up with me I sat there, then calmly went to my room and sat there with the blade pressed on my arm. But thank God I didn't. I'm also trying to strengthen my faith in God so he can help me and my family through these awful times. Please pray for us. Pray for me.
My grandfather died of skin cancer from a medicine he was taking after his kidney transplant. Now my dad had a kidney transplant. Joy. I lost my brother when I was little, he was born with his umbilical cord strangling him around the neck. In elementary school I used to think I could see him, which got me the rep of the "weirdo". I now know that I have OCD, ADHD, and Bipolar disorder so that's why I get so attached to people/ things. When my parents put my dog to sleep, I grieved for almost four years and actually went into depression. I saw many therapists, even though now it seems stupid. When my cat died, I cried, etc, etc. (Except for the 1 million damn goldfish, lol). I don't remember the first time, or why, but I began to cut a couple years after the people had said my depression of loss was over. I have a long but faded scar on my right forearm; if anyone asks, it's either a burn or a birthmark. I get too attached to things, and that's what drives them away. I think that's why guys think I'm crazy and wack and I chase them away unintentionally. Sadly, I developed a huge knack for lying and stealing. The first time I ever stole was in kindergarten, and the habit stayed with me until present time. I also trust too much. I was "best friends" with a girl who was great, then she told me she'd been raped, and because of my mental shit, I cried for her. But of course she was HAPPY about it. She also told me she was doing drugs and drinking, so I resolved to stand by her. Then I hear that she's talking about me behind my back constantly and yet she still has the nerve to smile at me and ask what's wrong. She said all my friends would forget me if I got into the early college in Virginia I'm applying for, and I cried. Again. Now, my mom has something wrong with her thyroid (regulates your body), and my dad is still having problems. I actually still go to therapists for help... weird. My parents want me to go to an all girls college in Virginia to jump start my career but I don't want to leave them here in NC with my siblings. I don't want to come home and find them dead like the others. I'm trying to find meds for my ADHD and stuff so I'll be a little more normal and not be so naive and different. I've thought about cutting, when my first bf broke up with me I sat there, then calmly went to my room and sat there with the blade pressed on my arm. But thank God I didn't. I'm also trying to strengthen my faith in God so he can help me and my family through these awful times. Please pray for us. Pray for me.
DeviantARTist Questionnaire
How long have you been on DeviantArt?- Ah three years? Yeah, three I think.
What does your username mean?- Jade is my favorite stone (I wear it all the time) and I used to want to be an author. It's actually a username I coined in like sixth grade that I never really gave up.
Describe yourself in three words.- Smart. Anxious. Loyal.
Are you left or right handed?- Leftie.
What was your first deviation?- Oh God. I don't talk about those.
What is your favourite type of art to create?- Photography. I cannot draw to save my life. (You'd see that if you look at my first Deviations.)
If you could instantly master a different art style, what would it
SO FROTTAGE RIGHT?!? IN PUBLIC. ON ME.
Hi, I’m 15.
Fif-fuckin’-teen.
I’m currently in London with a group of students from my college to study criminal justice and writing, and we travel a lot to have class and do all these cool cultural things, right?
Right.
BUT- on my way back from touring Bond Street (no way I could buy anything on that street with my whole future salary) on the Tube it was rush hour. (Lo and BEHOLD!) I have a thing about people called “agorophobia” and “social anxiety disorder” as well as “please don’t touch me it’s just a personal boundary thing”, so sometimes I have panic attacks when I’
Home!- First Year of Early College et Finis!
I did it!
I did it I did it I did it!
I survived a year of college!
I made friends (and enemies) this year, got the "Excellence in Early College" recognition award, dissolved an abusive friendship, and passed my exams with better flying colors than last semester!
I did it!
I'm still a little awed that I'm where I am. I want to go to high school, but at the same time I know that my depression would come back even worse and I'd be virtually friendless; so it's a good thing that I'm where I am.
I'm so excited to be home! I haven't been home since January for the end of Winter break. It's absolutely crazy how fast the year has gone by- som
Great Riding Lesson Today!
As most of you know, this month is No-Stirrup November. (Fuck. Me.) And I've had a hell of a time with it, but today I galloped with no stirrups on a very reluctant little shit who is normally very tolerable. ^_^ He's sweet when he wants to be but is the laziest damn thing on the mountain chain.
ANYWAY
He didn't want to canter and I had a dressage crop in my hand so I held the reins with my left, gave him my outside (left at the time, right leg to bend him out) and reached around with my right hand to catch him on the ass. Needless to say, he got really pissed and bucked but I. Stayed. On. WHOO.
I looked up and was nervous my teacher would
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Personally, god is a fucking joke. People believe that he will make things better. If you want your life to be better, you have to do it yourself. I did everything to strengthen my relationship with 'god' and I got nothing. Magically when I got up off my ass and did stuff myself...things started to happen.
Go to college, your family is going to be fine, they will be there when you come home. They're not going to forget about you and they're not going to replace you. Do for yourself.
I know what it's like to get attached to things. I get attached to objects and certain people for way too long and for reasons that I can't figure out. Like if I had something for a long time, almost no matter what it is, it's hard for me to part with it, and I expect everyone to stay in my life despite the fact that I am a raging ass a lot of the time.
Focalin is a great ADHD drug xD It's niiiice.