EnglandxSuicidal!Reader- God Save the Queen

If you are prone to cutting triggers please don't read this! I don't want to hurt anybody.
Stupid

Idiot

Useless

Worthless

Hot tears forced their way into ___'s eyes as she walked home from school miserably. Her f/c book bag was slung over her shoulder haphazardly and her h/l h/c hair hung in her eyes. She kept her eyes to the ground in front of her and stepped over every crack with one foot, then the other one; making sure that she never stepped over a crack with the same leg in a row. It eased the uneasy feeling of being off balance and wrong. Her phone buzzed in her pocket but she ignored it, even though it was blaring "God Save the Queen"- Arthur's ringtone.

Arthur was important to ___, you see. He had stood up for her before when her tormentors saw fit to ridicule her at school, at the library, anywhere. Instead of answering the phone she ignored it and hurried home before she made a scene. As soon as ___ entered her house, her mother was there in front of her.

"Hi, sweetie, how was your day?"

"Fine," ___ mumbled, trying to make a beeline for her room.

"You've been crying again," Her mother called after her. "What's wrong? Did those girls say something again?" ___ sighed.

"Yes," Her mother sighed, as well, but more out of exasperation.

"You need to start standing up for yourself, otherwise you won't get anywhere in life. Think about your college life- if this continues after high school I guarantee you'll drop out. Then you'll have trouble getting a job and have a hopeless career ahead of you. Then you'll be so desperate for attention the first man who pays attention to you will make you pregnant and leave, then you'll be living off of government support!" ___'s mother was shouting now. It was her typical rant, but ____ wasn't in the mood to sit through it. She rushed up the stairs and shut her door quietly, even though she wanted to slam it. But if she did, her mother would come up and lecture her, and that was the last thing she needed. ___ checked her phone, there were two missed calls from Arthur and they each were accompanied by a voice message.

___, I hope you're alright. I saw what those girls did today and I heard what they said. Don't listen to them, love, alright? His voice crackled through the phone, You know you can talk to me, right? Um- bye. And with that he hung up, but the second message was longer.

____, you need to answer. I'm getting a little nervous, here. Don't do anything brash, alright? I'm going to call you again in twenty minutes and if you don't answer me I'm coming over to your house, no matter what your mum says. That was what the "men and attention" remark was centered around in ___'s mother's rant. She strongly disapproved of her daughter having male friends of any sort. ___ smiled dryly at her friend's British accent and threw her phone on her beside table. She drew out her old razor from her dresser and sat with her back leaning against her wall. ___ drew it across her skin repeatedly, knowing that if she stopped at the first cut she would second guess herself and her actions.  

...

Minutes later, her arm was a messy lattice of red marks that all oozed blood. ___ smiled emotionlessly at her carnage and considered grabbing a towel so she wouldn't bleed onto the carpet but decided against it and sank back into her pain. She snapped back into reality just as her phone was screaming the last chords of "God Save the Queen". She swore furiously and checked her voice mail.

That's it, I'm coming over, love. was all Arthur said before the line went dead. ___ swore and made to get a towel but stopped herself at the door. The bathroom and the hamper closet with its towels were downstairs, in plain sight of her mother. She'd be spotted and get another lecture about her pointless future. Finally, ___ worked up enough nerve to creep down the stairs to risk it. She crouched at their base, cradling her arms to her chest and was about to run when the doorbell rang. ____ swore again and bolted back upstairs. She could hear her mother shouting at someone and heard someone else calmly oppose her. The steps creaked as someone began to climb them, with her mother protesting loudly from downstairs. ____ ran to her closet and threw on an old cardigan she had vowed to never wear again.

"____?" Arthur asked from the other side of the door. "Are you alright?"

"Fine, I'm fine. Go home, Artie." ____ said, hoping her voice didn't quiver. The gentleman was quiet for a minute, then opened the door and entered ____'s room.

"Arthur!" She exclaimed, "Get out!” The Englishman stopped short and stared at her.

“___, you’re lying to me.”

“No I’m not!”

“Then why is there blood on your shirt?” He shouted a little forcefully. ___ looked down at her shirtfront and winced. There were red streaks on her shirt that were slowly turning brown, drawn in her blood.

From when I was trying to get downstairs, she thought briefly. Her thoughts were interrupted by Arthur reaching out and grasping ___’s wrist. He gently pushed up her sleeve to above her elbow. The bloodied crosshatch on the inside of her forearms began to bleed again, matching the tears that sprang into ___’s eyes out of humiliation.

“___, why?” Arthur asked her softly. “Why would you want to do this to yourself, love?” ___ sniffed quietly.

"Nobody cared,"

"I would care, and you bloody should, too." Arthur stated. ____ smiled faintly at her friend.

"Now who's lying?" She asked softly. Arthur growled in frustration. Why didn't she see it? She was beautiful. She was amazing. Hell, if Alfred hadn't been pestering him about her Arthur would have told her how he felt already.

"I'd never lie to you, ____. I'm bloody serious." Arthur's green eyes were intent- he most definitely wasn't joking.

"I mean it, you need to look in the mirror and see yourself for who you are. You're beautiful, love. And I want you to realize it." And with that Arthur leaned forward and gently kissed ____'s nose. She stiffened for a moment, then Arthur pulled her to her feet.

“Come on, I’m taking you back with me.” He said, ____ refused to move. Tears streamed down her face in torrents, not unlike the rain she always cried with. Arthur stepped close to her again and pulled her into his arms, careful not to brush against her sleeves.

“Why are you crying, ___?”
“Because, because I’m just so empty all the time, and if I die you’ll be sad. I can’t do anything right.” She buried her head in his shoulder until her breaths became heavy. Arthur gently took ____ downstairs past her mother and out to the car. On the way back to his house, the day’s events streamed through his head.

It started in the lunchroom, like most times. Someone walking behind ____ decided to upend a carton of milk over her head.The girls who always wore their hair in the latest fashion and had the newest pocketbooks sniggered and glared at her while whispering crudely behind their hands. Arthur hadn’t heard what they said, but their actions infuriated him. ___ had remained silent for the rest of the day, and he had a feeling that she was wallowing in shame.

But he never thought she’d go this far.

Arthur looked over at ___ in the passenger seat, she was fast asleep with her arms cradled to her chest and her head against the window. Once Arthur pulled into his driveway he gently lifted ___ from the car and brought her inside. His brother Alfred greeted them loudly but silenced himself after a glare from Arthur. The Englishman gently placed his friend on the guest bed while she was still sleeping, and slowly removed the cardigan so he could see her arms.

They were pale and covered in pink scars, with the freshest of them seeping small amounts of blood. Alfred brought in bandages and left, leaving Arthur to clean and wrap ____’s arms.

“I’m so sorry, love.” He whispered, “You should have told me this- was happening. I would’ve helped you.” With that he kissed her forehead and left ___ to sleep.