Hey, guys, how's it going? I'm good, thanks. Life is being a little bit difficult, but I'm sortin it out. Sadly, I cut for the first time at school today. Like, not the first time cutting, but just the first at school. I stuck my razor in my pocket and carried it around. I guess I had a feeling I'd need it. There was drama, blah, blah, blah. In short, I was making friends with a group of girls and they thought my last journal entry was about THEM. (I posted the top half on Google+, but not the explanation) So today while my ELA class was leaving the lunchroom I sat abreast to their group and one person gave me this just HATEFUL glare and said: "Well, LOOK who's here". Fair enough, she wasn't there for me to explain the post to her yesterday when I told the rest of the group but they didn't believe me obviously because they did nothing to correct her. So I went to the media center with my ELA class and after about ten minutes of trying to stay calm I beelined it for the bathroom. Some of my friends texted me and asked where I had gone and why I looked so panicked. I told them I was fine. Ooooofffff course I did. Jesus.
So yeah, that's how I got my new scars. I folded a towel up and put it in my sleeve (my sleeves today go halfway up my forearm and I cut near the crook of my elbow) but my friend who doesn't know about all this laughed and was like: "Madi, why do you have a towel up your sleeve?" I laughed and speed walked my ass outta there. I'm trying to get help for this stuff- I really am, but I think it's an addiction, now. Cutting is psychologically classified as an addiction so yeah... does that make me an addict? I've gotten comfortable with bleeding out my worries instead of talking, which is really bad.
Take it from me:
Do not EVER cut, no matter what. Trust me- my brother has died, my dad is wasting, my mom is, too and she's addicted to the medicine fixing her, and I've got pressure, but do not EVER cut. It will pull you down into a black spiral and you will have hell to pay while you try to get out.
NEVER DO IT. PLEASE.